


Just A Dream

by nakedchrisevans



Series: Romanogers Playlist [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oneshot, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 17:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2237199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakedchrisevans/pseuds/nakedchrisevans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title: Just a Dream<br/>Pairing: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff<br/>Genre: Angst<br/>Rating: PG13 I guess for language?<br/>Summary: based on the song, Just a Dream - Carrie Underwood</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just A Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I love this song to bits and I always seem to cry to this song. I’m a sucker for angst and this was a really hard fic to write because I have never been to military funerals and I was afraid that my fic wouldn’t give justice to the ceremony. Nevertheless, enjoy and weep your heart out.

It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen  
All dressed in white  
Going to the church that night  
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat  
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue

There was something that Natasha wouldn’t have believed even if someone showed her the future. Not in her wildest dreams would she ever imagine being in a relationship, let alone being married. She was too broken, too complicated, and too dehumanized to feel any sort of genuine affection for anyone. Sexual attraction was a given, heck, sex was normal. Sex was human. It’s a basic need. Marriage isn’t. Then again, the television shows she watches always tell her that love was a basic need. That was wrong; they’ve managed to drive out love and compassion completely when she signed up for S.H.I.E.L.D.

What she didn’t bargain, right now, not in a million years would she think that she would be standing here today, dressed in a beautiful white wedding dress nonetheless. She pinches her arm, just to make sure she wasn’t in some sort of weird and wonderful dream. She almost laughs at herself, it was dizzying, and overwhelming as she stood outside the church doors. Bruce came up to her, dressed impeccably in a black tuxedo. She loops her arm around his, stepping inside as the church doors opened ajar.

The church was decorated minimally, the one thing that stood out was the numerous candles lighting up the church hall, giving it an ethereal luminescence. Fresh flowers decorated the pews, and at the end of the aisle, was the man of her dreams. Steve is dressed sharply in his black uniform, and she takes in a deep breath. Bruce walked her down the aisle, and the sounds of the piano reverberated through the hollow halls.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite Captain Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff in holy matrimony.” Director Nick Fury starts after the music died down. Natasha didn’t hear what Fury said until he asks her. “Natasha Romanoff, do you take Captain Steve Rogers as your lawfully wedded husband?” Natasha almost jumped, she looks around, her eyes taking in the sight of her friends, her companions, her team mates, and then to her soulmate, the love of her life, Steven Rogers. “I do.” She smiles and slips the ring on his finger. “Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, man and wife. You may kiss your bride.” The crowd clapped as Steve takes Natasha in his arms and kisses her.

It felt like a dream, because in the essence of it, it was.

And when the church doors opened up wide  
She put her veil down  
Trying to hide the tears  
Oh she just couldn’t believe it  
She heard the trumpets from the military band  
And the flowers fell out of her hand

They didn’t even have time for a honeymoon, because not 3 days after their wedding, Steve was ordered to report to the headquarters to be briefed on his new mission. The day before his mission, Steve and Natasha opted to spend the whole day of not doing anything but curl inside a blanket and cuddle.

“This is by far the best activity to do.” Steve comments as he scoots forward, closing whatever gap there was left between them.

“I had no idea being married was like this. I would have married sooner.” Natasha giggles, and she never giggles. Steve had that much influence on her.

“I would have married sooner as well, but you know, being in the ice and all that, kind of put a damper on things.” He shrugs and she hits him on the chest playfully. They sat in a comfortable silence, Steve stroking her hair softly.

“I know how it goes, and it’s kind of bizarre that they didn’t pull you or me to do an assignment the moment we said ‘I do’, but I’d always imagine we at least get a week off, you know?” She says quietly.

“You’re getting pretty soft, Rogers.” He says in the most serious, but teasing tone. Natasha gets up and feigns a shocking expression.

“I am not. I’m inclined to not use your last name; I think Romanoff sounds a bit more badass than Rogers.” She threats emptily.

“That’s not an option. I’m the captain and you have to listen to my orders.” He smirks. She kisses him fully on the lips and settles back in his arms and sighs.

“This still feels like a dream.” She mutters. Natasha looks at his fingers, intertwined with hers, and her gaze falls on his arms, hugging her gently.

“It’s not. It’s as real as can be. I love you, Natasha Romanoff.” He shifts so he can meet her eyes. He leans down and has his lips ghosting above hers, gently lowering into a soft, fleeting kiss. It’s so soft, and so innocent, so fragile and precious as if he’s afraid that his kiss will break her. He kisses her for what seems like an eternity, and Natasha never wants to let go, she wants this moment forever, just his kisses and her body enveloped in his warmth. “I love you too.” She murmurs on his lips and then deepens the kiss.

——————————————————————————————-

One week.

2 weeks.

Natasha was getting impatient. When was he coming back already? They’ve talked every night or at least any night that he isn’t infiltrating into a secret base. He hasn’t called her for at least 4 days, she knows she shouldn’t fret; it was normal that he couldn’t contact her every day, and that this wasn’t her mission nor does she have any clearance to know about it, but damn it’s making her worry.

I guess she could say it was now her weakness.

She couldn’t sit around and not know where her husband’s whereabouts. She immediately goes to find Director Fury.

“Sir, any news?” Director Fury swerves around and a glimpse of shock passed through his eye. He covered it pretty well but Natasha wasn’t born yesterday, she knew something was amiss.

“What’s going on?” Natasha’s voiced with concern.

“We’ve lost contact with Captain Rogers a few hours ago. We’re deploying the extraction team as we speak.” He looked particularly calm, and that was what bothered Natasha. Director Fury is so good at hiding his expressions. Even though Steve wasn’t just an Avenger, he was more than that to Director Fury himself, but Natasha can never see the appropriate concern or worry the Director might have for her husband.

Or maybe he was just an Avenger to Director Fury.

———————————————————

“Natasha, know that I’ll always love you.”

Natasha wakes up sweating. She hears muffled commotion outside and immediately thinks that Steve is back. He’s finally back. God it took him long. She couldn’t wait to jump in his arms and kiss him silly. She couldn’t sleep for 2 days now, knowing that her husband is out there somewhere, but he’s smart and resourceful, he will surely get out of any trouble he’s gotten into. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.

She rushes out towards the living room in her pajamas and messy, wild hair. The rest of the Avengers were there, and they seem to stop conversing when she entered the room.

“Where is he? He hasn’t come home yet?” She was almost tripping over her words, her heart was racing and she can hear her blood rushing in her ears. The rest of the Avengers were quiet. Clint approaches her and attempts to pull her into a hug. She pushes him away roughly and asks again.

“Where is Steven Rogers goddammit?!” Natasha’s shocked at her own voice, so were the rest of the team.

The silence was deafening. She knew that silence. She knew what it meant, but she’s never going to believe until someone says it, or she sees it for herself.

“Nat,” Clint paused. “Steve…He’s gone.”

Everyone was holding their breath it seemed.

“No, that’s not possible.” Natasha backed a few steps. She turned her gaze towards Director Fury, demanding for an explanation, or a denial, or something, anything that would make this a sick joke. She was half expecting Steve to come out from the shadows or to swing in through the windows and say “Surprise!”

“Natasha, the extraction team…we came too late. He was shot. Multiple –“

“No I don’t want to hear it! That’s not fucking possible! He’s fucking Captain America; a shot couldn’t have taken him down…” She was turning around, ready to go back to her room and sleep, hoping that when she wakes up he’ll be next to her, with his arms around her.

Bruce held her shoulders and turned her around. “Natasha, he’s gone. Tony flew to him after the extraction team said he was down. Tony brought him back, but he died along the way to the hospital.” Bruce was holding her by the shoulders as tears started to accumulate.

“I…I have to be alone.” She turned away and headed back to her room.

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray  
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt  
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard  
Then they handed her a folded up flag  
And she held on to all she had left of him  
Oh, and what could have been  
And then the guns rang one last shot  
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Natasha Rogers. It sounded weird, like her surname was never meant to be replaced. Natasha Romanoff. For some reason though, she doesn’t feel like Natasha Romanoff anymore. She was somewhere between Natasha Rogers, the doting wife, and Natasha Romanoff, the badass assassin.

But now, she’s nothing. In her black dress and black pumps, she is the Black Widow, but she’s not. She can’t hear a thing; she’s just looking at her hands, and trying to remember how Steve’s hand felt intertwined with hers. She couldn’t hear what the chaplain was saying; it was all a massive blur. She stood up for the honors, and a 15 gun salute was fired. The trumpet was playing, and it took every ounce of strength she had left to keep herself standing.

Natasha was sitting next to Director Fury, and it was one of the biggest military funerals she had ever seen. It might as well have been for a president. She wanted to laugh almost sardonically because here are these people she’s never met, but knows her husband in one way or another. Her husband of 3 weeks, her lover and soul mate since forever. Director Fury glimpsed at her from the corner of his eye, and he squeezed her hand in support. She knows that’s not what he does, but she appreciates the gesture and support. The last bullet was shot in the sky, and tears escaped her eyes and fell down in silent streams.

She’s alone again.

Baby why’d you leave me  
Why’d you have to go?  
I was counting on forever, now I’ll never know  
I can’t even breathe  
It’s like I’m looking from a distance  
Standing in the background  
Everybody’s saying, he’s not coming home now  
This can’t be happening to me  
This is just a dream

Natasha was taught from the beginning of her memory that emotions are a liability. Natasha was taught that emotions make you weak, and they made sure that every emotion was driven out of her. She was a spy, spies didn’t feel, they have questionable moralities and they certainly didn’t love.

But Natasha Romanoff, she loved. She loved so fiercely and passionately for a man she never saw coming. She loved as if her life depended on it, because not a moment in her life before she met Steve did it require for her to love. She never dreamt of finding love, she knew in her line of work, love was impossible.

She truly found love in a hopeless place.

“Steve…” Natasha murmured; her tears have not dried up since she received the heartbreaking news. “Why? We could’ve had everything.” She was holding a picture of them together, Steve in his army uniform and she was smiling happily in her wedding gown.

She remembered the night after the reception, and they were both lying down together, talking about moving out of the Stark Tower, getting their own house, having children, growing old together.

Her tears flowed endlessly.

“I want at least 4.” Steve said. Natasha was shocked, she didn’t think she could be a mother to one child let alone four.

“Are you out of your mind? I want only one, or maybe two. One boy and one girl. That is more than enough.”

Natasha laughed in her tears thinking about her conversation with Steve that day.

“I love you Natasha Romanoff. Forever. Even when I die.”

Natasha looked around the dark and empty room. She curled up and hugged her knees to her chest. She cried silently.

“I love you more, Steve Rogers.” She whispered to their wedding portrait.

She repeats those words into the night, until she falls into a deep sleep, and hope, that when she wakes up again, it was just a dream.


End file.
